UltraShadow
BERMUDA
Times
A one of the luckiest guys alive -- I get to travel for a living. 
LSince I write for the single market, I usually travel to moderately priced, 
Jinformal, enticing, and exotic destinations. Trying to keep my girlfriend 
Lhappy is another problem...if I don't take her sometimes, I won't have one! 
MSo last month I told her I would take her any place that her heart desires - 
she chose Bermuda.
GHer girlfriend from the east coast told her that it was more beautiful 
"than Hawaii, more romantic than a 
Caribbean cruise
 (never could figure 
Kwhat makes a place romantic or not), and the perfect place to show off her 
Bnew (& expensive) wardrobe. All I had heard was how expensive and 
Odressy the island was, and since we lived in California, difficult to get too! 
II'm the blue-jeans and tennis-shoe type so I heed and hawed, but Bermuda 
it was. 
CGetting to Bermuda was easier than I thought. A short shuttle from 
IOxnard, (our home, 60 miles north of Los Angeles) and a five hour flight 
Fto New York got us within range of Bermuda for a mid-evening landing. 
The flight on 
American Airlines
)j' was on a new Boeing 767 and the 2-3-2 
Iseating was perfect. The major disappointment was the airport at John F. 
FKennedy - a nightmare. After relaxing in the airy spaces of LAX, this 
Gairport was like a dungeon...dark, low ceilings, crowded with confused 
Kpassengers, and a twenty-minute race (we were the rats in the maze, trying 
Kto find the way out) to find our connecting flight to Bermuda. I have been 
Qtold that the leading cause of death at this airport is heart attacks...at least 
one a day!
AOur plane to Bermuda was a Boeing 757, an awful configuration of 
J3-3. You always felt crunched up and there was never enough storage space 
Nfor the carry-ons. If you often travel as a  couple, I suggest  (I learned on 
	Southwest
)9? flights, where there was no pre-assigned seats) you reserve a 
Mwindow and an aisle seat...then only if the plane is 100% full will there be 
someone between you two.
BArriving in Bermuda was perfect -- fast customs and no waiting at 
Ithe luggage carousal. Since I had heard how expensive Bermuda was, I had 
Fpreviously called the Department of Tourism (1-800-223-6106) before I 
Dleft and they had sent some very useful information. Included was a 
Nbrochure (color) of all the hotels and their rates, a "what-to-do & see list" 
8and maps of all sites and hotel locations! I picked the 
Rosemont
 (1-800-
M367-0400), not because it promised self-contained units (small kitchens), or 
Hperfect view of the harbor, proximity to Hamilton shopping area, a nice 
Fsquare pool for laps, but its reasonable $100.00 /night price tag. We 
Gweren't disappointed and after a little haggling, we got a room on the 
Times
0second story that overlooked the harbor and the 
Princess Hotel
)Q	. To our 
Kamazement it was only a five-minute walk to town...no lies in the brochure.
EAfter a good night sleep, we were off but in different directions. I 
Jwent for my daily run and was astonished at how beautiful the surrounding 
Marea was; quaint houses all done up in red, blue or green, lush foliage with 
Ieverything in bloom, huge trees overhanging the small roads (remember to 
Jrun on the opposite side -- driving is to the left!), and the most unique 
@street names I had ever heard of. Not only were the roads called
o	 Heavens 
/View, Majestic Circle, or maybe Pink Tree Lane 
but the homes also had 
(story book names. One home was called " 
My Best Memory
 " and another 
A Second Chance
6" Every morning I ran a different direction and there 
Iwas always a surprise around every turn...no trash, no beggars, no guns, 
Hno chaos - it was a perfect vacation destination. Even in town we found 
Hreasonably priced restaurants and the taxis were the same price as L.A. 
4Maybe Bermuda 's overprice talk was just that...talk
:During  our last day at the Rosemont I read an article in 
;the local paper ("The Royal Gazette"...what else would you 
=expect) that tourism was off 20% from the August 1986 high - 
858,087 vs  47,679 ... only later would I figure out why!
BMy girlfriend (Mhynda) spent the mornings shopping...her favorite 
Ksport. Yes, being a Filipina from the Imelda Marcos era (she also has over 
J50 pair of shoes, including 22 pairs of boots), this was her natural born 
Mdestiny...to have one of everything. I was astonished that she bought almost 
Jnothing. Well, a few tee-shirts and local jewelry, mainly because the two 
Fbig cruise ships were in town (arrive on Tuesdays, leave on Fridays). 
EEverything was double the price of a California department store! No 
Jbargains here. One good thing about the cruise ships was the sight of the 
Jpassengers...all overweight, puffing cigarettes, shabby shorts, red socks 
Hwith black shoes, and open Hawaiian shirts etc. Mhynda never complained 
Conce about my tennis shoes and jeans wardrobe...again another myth 
broken!
ABefore we changed hotels (the big negative of the Rosemomt -  no 
Hbeach), we decided to do our sight-seeing. Again, Bermuda was more than 
Fwe expected. Remember, no tourists are allowed to rent a car, so your 
Hmain means of transportation are taxis, scooters (poor choice when it's 
Hraining) or the slow bus. Since storm clouds were forming and we wanted 
1to see all in a few days we decided on the taxi. 
They say a cab with a 
 sign (or was it 
?) was an official taxi 
Lguide but we found out that there was no difference...just the price. "All" 
Hcabs are tour guides and for $60.00 you get three hours of pampering (a 
9scooter for the day was $46.00).  We started of with the 
Bermuda perfume 
factory
A- the gardens were more interesting than the perfume stuff, then 
Fthe Bermuda Aquarium - - a major disappointment, especially if you've 
Times
ever been to Monterey, the 
Mariott's Castle Harbour
 resort, a 250 - acre 
<Iresort complete with its own golf course (the golfers actually take cabs 
Kback to the hotel), tropical beaches, and its own castle with unbelievable 
!views. Adjacent to the hotel was 
Bermuda's Beverly Hills
, where all the 
<Jrich folks (Ross Perot, etc.) live in total seclusion. On the way back to 
JHamilton we stopped by  a glass blowing crystal factory (I'm sure the cab 
0driver got a cut) and then we hit pay dirt ..." 
The Crystal Caves
`AOver the years of travel I've seen the Golden Buddha of Bangkok, 
the Corcovado, (that giant 
statue of 
Christ the Redeemer, 2,400 
feet over 
Rio) and the golden Dome 
of the 
Rock (Mosque of Omar in 
Jerusalem) --the Crystal 
Caves was 
just as impressive. Some 
unknown 
boys (chasing a cricket) 
	found it 
in the early 1900s -- they 
just fell 
< into this big hole. Today it is 
Bermuda's best attraction. 
	You walk 
81 steps down into the earth 
there are these crystal caves, 
nestled 
<Kin turquoise clear water and surrounded by ancient ice-pick looking rocks. 
GThese underground lakes and caves are traversed by pontoon walkways -- 
Pit is breathless stroll. The vast water lakes reach a depth of 55 feet, and yet 
Jyou can still see the bottom with no distortion. A mirror image of one of 
,the growths in the still waters is called " 
New York Skyline
." You had to 
<Gblink twice to believe what you are seeing ... unforgettably beautiful.
BAfter an afternoon nap, we decided to continue our exploration of 
<DHamilton Town by foot. Since the ferry stations are in Hamilton, we 
Jdecided to take the small cruiser to the Belmont hotel (a ten-minute, two 
Kdollar ride) for dinner, a very formal place. Finally Mhynda could put her 
Jwardrobe to use. As I bought the ticket, I casually asked the ticket lady 
Kwhat was the best landing spot was (there are three stops) and she mumbled 
something back. I replied 
"what"
)'% and she became totally unglued! She 
<Eyelled, "whats wrong with you , can't you speak proper English , you 
2should say, I beg your pardon." Now I was furious,
 I hadn't stolen an 
<Kapple, raped an elderly patron, or even Jay - walked; I just said " WHAT." 
EMhynda had to hold me back as the lady threw the tickets at us! Yes, 
#something was wrong in Disneyland. 
&The restaurant wasn't open yet at the 
Belmont
 (the ferry ride was 
<Fpleasant and we unexpectedly found it to be a fun  way to explore the 
Hisland) so we returned to Hamilton for dinner. That night, the waitress 
Iignored Mhynda (she asked for another glass of water) four times before I
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   Inside Crystal Caves!
Times
+<5M got up and got the water carafe myself. The waitress just shrugged  as if " 
cares." An 
oddity to 
bills (just for 
tourists, I 
suppose) in 
Bermuda 
is that a 15% 
<	gratuity 
automatically 
<	included 
into the final 
reckoning. 
Poor 
service still 
<	gets the 
tip and even 
<	when you 
are spending 
$200.00 a 
night at a 
fancy 
hotel (yup, 
that's 
15% thank 
you, plus 
a 6% local 
tax  
added on top 
of that 
$200.00), 
<Iyou are tipping $30.00 a day. That is wrong -  what happens when someone 
Kreally goes out of their way to please you?  Do you add another tip on top 
of that $30.00?  Don't worry, 
 it doesn't happen very often in 
Bermuda
);=. Our maid at the Sonesta didn't make our room (one of those 
<F$200.00 a night hotels) because we were taking a nap. I asked her, in 
Kproper English (I didn't want to upset anyone again), could she make it up 
Dafter 3.00 P.M. and she said " NO." She was off now and didn't have 
Gtime...so much for my pre-paid $30.00 tip. When we were at the Crystal 
ICaves, I had asked our guide how she liked living in Bermuda, she said " 
Ntwo of my girlfriends (under 25) are starting to lose their hair because they 
Nhave to work three jobs. Stress on the island is so high...limited jobs and a 
Jhigh cost of living." At that time, I ignored the remark as a young girls 
Hpersonal problems, but now it seemed it was everywhere -- everybody was 
stressed out!
DThe next day we decided to take a break and to beach it! Again, the 
<9dark clouds appeared on the horizon, so we took a cab to 
Horseshoe 
Beach
)"E...noted as one of the best in the world. At the same time (kill two 
<Ibirds with one stone, or in this case a cab ride) we visited a few beach 
Khotels (for our last three days) and decided on the Sonesta. It was only a 
2few miles past Horseshoe beach and looked perfect.
>Horseshoe beach was magnificent. Long rounded bay, clean pink 
<Ksand, crystal clear water, jagged rocks protruding from the ocean's edges, 
Hhidden caves, and no rocks or seaweed to mar a stroll into the water. A 
Ctruly grand beach yet something was missing!  When on the beach in 
<Nyou'll see business deals being negotiated while sand is being kicked in your 
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Yours truly, exploring 
         the caves!        
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Times
+<5+face from a soccer game. On the beaches of 
Thailand
, touts are selling you 
<Meverything while the Thai beach boys are trying to hustle the Japanese girls 
Ein English  (only you can understand what is being said), and on the 
beaches of the 
Dominican Republic
)t' the local women bring fruits on their 
<Jheads and prepare your lunch on the spot. Beaches have personalities just 
Mlike people. I like to call it a " beach soul" and the best do go to heaven! 
FBut Horesebeach beach was like a beautiful model who never got out of 
Cgrammar school. No locals, no games, no g-strings (or topless), no 
IEuropeans (they are in the Dominican Republic), no hassles, no trash, no 
Inothing! Just us and a few couples from New York, Boston, Baltimore, and 
LWashington. Sure, there were some chairs to rent at the restaurant, but you 
4carried them and they cost the price of a room of a 
Motel-8 in California.
<0Horseshoe beach was beautiful, but that was it! 
1The next day we packed our bags and moved to the 
Sonesta Hotel
. It 
had caught our 
eye for its three 
natural beaches 
rising from the 
ocean's reefs, its 
lush landscapes 
complete with an 
ocean front 
moongate
)7	 (one of 
those Star-Trek-
looking time 
portals that 
guarantees your 
marriage -- I 
stayed away from 
it), complete with 
tennis and Spa 
Mfacilities (found out later the spa was an extra $15.00 a day), and a unique 
Kcollection of swimming pools; one a solar dome pool (great for rainy days) 
Dplus an outdoor Olympic one. Oh, they were the only ones to give me 
#discount for being a travel writer 
`EWe arrived the following day; the front desk had never heard of us - 
<Jyes, we had been there the day before and made the reservation in person. 
FThe manager came out, apologized and asked what rate we were given; I 
Ededucted 20% and told him "my" discounted rate, he accepted and also 
Hupgraded us to the top floor. What makes travel so much fun (& sad) are 
Junexpected events, good or bad they always seem to change the course of a 
trip...this one was good!
>After making up on some missed tennis games, a dip in the two 
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Mhyndha hoping for?
Times
Lpools, and some beach relaxation, it was time for dinner. We decided to try 
Cthe coffee shop (there is a special desk just for hotel restaurant 
Lreservations) and to our surprise the cashier asked if we had reservations. 
.When I said NO, she looked at me like I was " 
Archie Bunker
."  Who 
Kknows, maybe I was a fool...but this was the coffee shop! She then grinned 
J(like it was my lucky day) and said soon we would be seated. From then on 
we made dinner reservations. 
=Next night we ate at one of the so called ''exclusive" hotel 
Irestaurants, reservation in hand. Food was good but the service was even 
Hbetter. Our waiter was from Manila and told us about the large Filipino 
Jcommunity on the island. Wherever you travel, especially on cruise ships, 
Jjust look below and you'll see them  cooking your food, singing on stage, 
Jor cleaning your room, there are Filipino workers or entertainers doing a 
:15-hour day at minimum wages. Mhynda told me the standing 
Flip joke, " 
Jif all the overseas Filipino workers would ever decide to come back home, 
the island would sink."
=That evening we also learned why Bermuda is so expensive. We 
Edon't drink but the bill was almost as much as our plane flight from 
California
):=. In town, we found abundant restaurants to choose from and  
Freasonable prices. At the popular mega hotels there is no competition 
K(remember, a taxi will cost $20.00 back to town...one-way) so they squeeze 
Iyou by the b****s and don't let up. It was absurd, and then we were told 
Hhow one could reduce this gouging by buying a meal plan with the hotel. 
EWho wants to travel to a foreign country and only eat in an American 
Hhotel...the reason one travels is to learn about different cultures and 
/explore new environments -- that includes food.
?The next day we continued our tour of the island. Close to the 
Sonesta was the 
Gobb's Hill Lighthouse 
'built in 1846 -- one of the first cast 
Niron lighthouse built to withstand anything and to stop the avalanche of ship 
Iwrecks from the offshore reefs. A climb to the top gives you a panoramic 
Mview of the whole island and your exercise for the day -- 185 circular steps 
-up to 362 feet above sea-level. Next was the 
Bermuda Maritime Museum
Gby way of the # "7" bus. Actually this is the old Royal Naval Dockyard 
Hbuilt by convicts in the early 1800s when the Royal navy fleet needed a 
Gwinter anchorage! The exhibit depicts Bermuda's nautical history (very 
Iinteresting, complete with a huge old fashion mechanical clock) and even 
Idisplays some recovered artifacts from the wreck of the Sea Venture that 
Ghappened hundreds of years ago. The grounds is also a shopping center, 
<cruise ship dock, pubs, and restaurants galore...a fun day. 
EThat night we read in the local paper that a tourist had been robbed 
I(while asleep, took everything through an open-screen door) and the drug 
Krehabilitation center needed expanding...seems like Bermuda is joining the 
3real world. Now if only the locals could show some 
Texan
 (the most 
Times
Jfriendly place on earth) like hospitality, this island could turn into an 
Binteresting adventure rather than the so called " fantasy island."
DFinally it was time to go home, another $25.00 cab ride (no airport 
Nshuttle) to the airport but then came a pleasant surprise. I shuddered at the 
hassle of doing customs at the 
dilapidated J.F.K. airport
, (I've heard horror 
Kstories of two-hour waits) especially with Mhynda's Filipino passport. The 
Jsurprise is that the American customs is at the Bermuda airport and after 
Fgetting our boarding pass we went directly to the customs. Of course, 
Icustoms officials never smile or even say, "welcome back" (wouldn't that 
Ibe nice for a change) and only sniped at us once; to Mhynda, " Why don't 
Gyou have your new green card (new ones have color pictures) yet? " She 
Hmeekly replied, " But sir, I've already applied and it is stamped in my 
5passport." He frowned and said NEXT. Ah, back in the 
U.S.A.
Now, back at home, I can 
reflect
)%  on our trip to Bermuda. It was 
Lcertainly beautiful, just as the brochures describe it. The problem is that 
Mthe country is living in the past and its drop in popularity can be directly 
connected to three factors:
CToday travelers are much more sophisticated than in the past; they 
Gwant (demand) value for their dollar. You could travel to Hawaii (even 
Kfrom the east coast) on a "Pleasant Hawaiian Vacation" package, have a car 
@for a week and still come back with change to buy a new TV when 
'compared to an equal Bermuda vacation. 
?Consumers have better access to travel information about world 
Mdestinations (as this on/line service) and don't rely on over zealous travel 
Cagents to pick their spots. Now, they know where the hot spots and 
bargains are!
CIt use to be that the farther you traveled, the more expensive the 
Lair fare -- not today. The airlines have monthly department style sales for 
Kexotic destinations. One can (if he waits for the right sale) go to London 
Gcheaper than a flight from New York to Bermuda.  Bermuda  proximity to 
*the East Coast is no longer an advantage. 
;The world of travel has changed and if one took the cruise 
Epassengers, the conventions, and the newlyweds away from Bermuda, it 
1would be a ghost island...it's time they woke up!
<Okay, I promised a test to see if Bermuda is right for you. 
5Please check to the statements that are true for you!
G  Yes, I believe a vacation should be to isolate oneself from the real 
Jworld. No interaction, no problems, no hassles, and especially not to try 
Times
something new for me!
K   Yes, a vacation is a rare and special event for me...money is no object 
Las long as I stay in a glitzy palace with all the amenities and my honey is 
happy. 
B   Yes, when I go on vacation I want other Americans around me;   
<foreigners make me nervous and I hate their strange habits. 
N    Who cares what this Bruce guy says, my neighbors have been there so       
I want to go too!
8 you have checked any of the above boxes, go to Bermuda.
 Otherwise 
;e-mail me for my book and start having some fun vacations! 
*-=*************************************************************
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 FREE
),= copy of our travel newsletter for singles, more info on our 
>book (Travel & the Single Male) or chat about travel contact: 
Eaol...Bruce11334, CompuServe...71035,2272, or 805-984-0410 for voive 
information.
1994 TSM Publishing...No reprint without permission (electronic or 
Mechanical) from TSM.
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1) About this Help system
2) What is Common Ground?
3) Common Ground Advantages
4) 24 Common Ground Uses
5) Common Ground product line
6) Common Ground resellers
7) Contacting No Hands
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